Today I was going to sit down and write about eating food for necessity vs recreational eating. I would have found a way to make it entertaining and funny, I would have laughed at my own wittiness as I wrote… But one key component is missing today. I have lost my joy and my spark. The seemingly endless energy and passion that wells up inside of me everyday has momentarily disappeared and In its place is a hollow feeling of sadness. I had to say goodbye to my oldest son on Sunday morning. He lives in California with his dad and visits me during his summer holidays. For four weeks my home has been full of laughter and joy. Four weeks of local adventures and cosy movie nights all snuggled up on the lounge. For four weeks my heart was whole and my family was complete, my three beautiful babies all under the same roof.. And now that’s all ended.
My situation is not a common one, but unfortunately dealing with loss, grief and sadness is. Sadness can create a physical pain, a reaction in the body, mind and spirit. The way sadness affects each individual and how they in turn react is what differs. For me personally, I lose my appetite and subsequently my energy levels plummet. I withdraw into myself and cringe at social interaction. Normally I am so full of energy I find it hard to sleep at night… But when I’m sad I curl into a ball and try to sleep my days away. I know inside my heart that I must find a light and follow it out of this dark hole, as focusing on the negatives will only bury me deeper, but this puts even more pressure on me to act when all I want to do is forget everything. And then it dawned on me… Sadness is like a toxin. Grief is the action of emotionally detoxing the soul. When we go on a juice cleanse or any other form of physical detox, we can experience a wide range of symptoms and reactions that aren’t enjoyable or asthetically pleasing. Symptoms ranging from fatigue, body aches, headaches and breakouts to name a few. When we are grieving we can experience several similar symptoms such as anxiety, crying, difficulty sleeping, fatigue, loss of appetite and other stress related ailments. These are symptoms of the emotional and purification process. As unpleasant as it may seem, it is a necessary evil we must endure to reap the benefits of recovery. When we start a detox and these symptoms start to appear, we don’t automatically discontinue, instead we acknowledge the symptoms as sign that our bodies are reacting properly and we “trust the process”. I placed “trust the process” in quotes because these words popped into my head a couple days ago for no reason, they continued to run through my head over and over until I finally understood. Everything I’m going through is a process. Healing the body is so much more than a physical process. Healing should encompass all elements of life.. Body, mind, heart and soul. As I continue to grieve, I am learning how to transform this hurt into strength, and this weakness into health. I am showing myself kindness and love, not pushing myself to be a certain way or to act whole and complete. I am remaining present in this moment loving and accepting myself and learning to trust this beautiful process.